How To Overcome Social Anxiety
Aprox 9 min read.
Social anxiety is a feeling of dread and panic in social situations that can prevent people from engaging in activities and living a fulfilling life. It is often caused by traumatic events such as abuse, depression, or mental health conditions and is exacerbated by negative self-talk and low self-esteem. Depression one of the most common mental health issues can worsen social anxiety by causing a sense of disconnection and negative self-image, leading to feelings of being threatened by social situations.
When dysregulated our nervous system (which the main role is to ensure our safety an survival) tends to perceive people and socializing as a form of threat to our safety whether physical or emotional. As a result it goes on in to a hypervigilant mode, losing its ability to distinguish a real threat from a false one. From my experience helping people overcome social anixety the below startegies are the most helpfull:
Improve your self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem and/or body image issues, start by shifting your focus to aspects you like about yourself instead. It´s important that you accept the aspects of yourself that you cannot change and work on changing your perception regarding those aspects you consider negative.
Challenge your thinking patterns
Identify and challenge thoughts that contribute to your social anxiety, and replace them with more balanced and positive thoughts.
This can be done by going deeper within to explore the reasons for your judgement and conclusions, and whether your judgement comes from your own opinion or other people’s opinions that you took it in as yours. Distinguishing our thoughts about ourselves from a fact or opinion can be enlightening; the following exercise may be useful with that.
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And if there are things that you can change such as getting healthier, improve your social skills, improve your overall appearance, make a plan and commit yourself to it. Nowadays we have access to a wide range of online resources for free where you can learn about anything you wish.
Process difficult emotions
As previously mentioned traumatic events can dysregulate our nervous system, therefore processing trauma with the help of a therapist can be helpful.Therapy will provide you with an outlet to express yourself, and explore your emotions and feelings related to particular events. It can also be helpful in learning to manage unhelpful thinking patterns or behaviors that may be a result of past traumatic experiences and ultimately help you move forward.
If you are unable to afford 1:1 talking therapy you can always pour down your feelings in a piece of paper and use writing as a therapeutic tool.
Cultivate compassion
Cultivating feelings of love, positive regard and kindness towards yourself and others, will help you transform the fear of interacting with other people in to understanding, love and compassion. As well as help with improving the sense of connection with other people, which is often missing in socially anxious people.
The following Loving Kindness mantra can be used as a regular positive affirmation practice when you out and about.
May you( I/we) be safe
May you ( I/we) be happy
May you ( I/we) be healthy
May you ( I/we) be peaceful and at ease
You can repeat this mantra whilst directing positive regard to the individuals around you. As well as directing it to yourself when needed, replacing any negative self-talk to a more compassionate one.
As you saying this mantra fear, anxiety, self-criticism, defensiveness, feeling disconnected will transform in to love, compassion, connection and positive regard.
Other way to cultivate compassion is by joining peer support groups, mindfulness, volunteering helping people or a cause you care about. Practicing acts of kindness has been linked with increased wellbeing and reduced anxiety.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness tools are helpful to shift our focus from unhelpful thinking patterns and anxiety symptoms to the present moment. The tool below can be helpful specially when anxiety starts creeping up, or when feeling overwhelmed or about to have a panic attack.
Naming things is one of my favorite mindfulness tools because it feels like a game and can be used anywhere. It brings awareness to the external world by engaging all the senses.
whenever starting to feel overwhelmed with sensations or unhepfull thinking patterns take some time and:
Acknowledge 5 objects your surroundings Acknowledge 4 colours you can see Acknowledge 3 things that you can touch – take some time to observe the different sensations when touching various textures. Acknowledge 2 things that you can hear. Acknowledge 1 thing in your surroundings that has a special meaning for you/ acknowldge an achievement in your life.
Gradual exposure
Gradually expose yourself to the situations that trigger your anxiety. Start with small steps and work your way up.
You may want to prepare for social events, for i.e. you can research the attendees and make a list of conversation starters or questions based on their interests. Making it easier to start a conversation and relieve the social anxiety. Remember that people appreciate genuine interest in them and their interests.
Practice visualization, imagining you are having a great time at a social event, feeling happy and at ease. As a way to train your brain to feel calm and relaxed in social situations. Commit to shifting your focus to the benefits and positive aspects of socializing.
Ultimately as you become happier and confident you will naturally feel more connected with the wider world and relaxed when interacting with other people.
I hope you find this suggestions helpfull. If you suffer with social anxiety or have suffered in the past please share with us below what has helped manage your social anxiety.
